Most ladies in bad relationships have at one point or the other told
themselves certain lies to feel better about the horrible situation
You are unhappy and you know
deep down in your heart that you should just count your losses and move
on, but because of the fear of being alone, you would rather pretend to
be happy than accept reality.
Most ladies in bad
relationships have at one point or the other told themselves certain
lies to feel better about the horrible situation.
Julia Austin of Madame Noire lists 8 lies ladies tend to tell themselves when stuck in horrible relationships:
- He's not abusive: When you are afraid of being alone, you always compare your partner to the worst guys out there (when you should be comparing him to the best.) You’ve probably said to yourself, “Well…at least he isn’t abusive.” But abuse comes in all forms: Just because a man isn’t physically abusive doesn’t mean he is not abusive at all. He could emotionally and mentally abuse you. He could convince you that you need him to make it in life. He could break down your self-esteem. Abuse comes in several forms.
- Nobody has that kind of sex you see in movies: Maybe in your bad relationships, you’ve found yourself in your head during sex. You were hyper aware of every tiny movement and sound. It all seemed mechanical. But you told yourself, “Sex isn’t how it is in the movies, with music and swirling lights and endless passion. At least we have sex!” When you're in love, it is romantic (and includes novie-style sex): When you’re in a good relationship, you get lost in the moment in sex. On an off day, you may be in your head, and it could feel mechanical. But most of the time when you’re in a good relationship, you do sort of hear music in your head when you’re having sex. You don’t even know where the all the time went when it’s over.
- It's so nice that he stopped by: When you’re in a bad relationship, you are looking for excuses to give your guy brownie points. When your boyfriend just stopped by your best friend’s birthday party for an hour before moving on to do his own thing for the night, you thought, “What a good boyfriend! He made an appearance!” But in a good relationship you stick together: In a really good relationship, you don’t go your separate ways on when an important event is underway. You’re in it together, for the entire night. You want to experience things together and hey, you want to be together.
- You can't feel excited everyday:
You’ve seen stable, happy couples who are sort of dull. They watch TV together or read books next to each other, but you knew they were happy. So you thought, “See! No couple is excited and romantic every day. All relationships get a little dull.” Here is a secret - That couple is excited: Being excited in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re constantly at a dance party. But in a good relationship, you feel giddy and elated and lucky to be around your partner–even if you’re just watching TV. You can and you should feel excited and happy every day when you’re in a good relationship. - I don't need to tell my boyfriend everything: Maybe you’ve had one of those relationships where you compartmentalized things. You noticed that your boyfriend tuned out when you were talking about your work so you just didn’t talk to him about that anymore. You took that kind of talk to somebody else. And you told yourself, “That’s okay. I don’t have to be able to talk to my boyfriend about everything. I have friends for that.” You don't have to...but you should want to: News flash: Your boyfriend should be that special someone you can share everything with! If a man is fully invested in you, he wants to hear about every part of your life from your job to your family. He feels what you feel so he thinks it’s important to know what’s happening in your life.
- It's great how independent I am in this relationship: Every time you had to go to a museum exhibit, party, or cooking class alone you said to yourself, “It’s so great how independent I am in this relationship. I’m not one of those women who needs to be with her boyfriend all of the time.” But there's independent and there's alone: And you’re alone! A good partner wants to go with you to things he isn’t interested in because he is interested in being with you. If you show great appreciation for something, he should want to be a part of that with you.
- My friends just don't understand him: If you’ve been in a bad relationship, your friends said something about it. They either dropped hints or straight up told you they didn’t think the guy was good for you. And you probably told yourself they just don’t understand him. You probably told yourself, “They don’t know what he’s like when we’re alone.”The bottom line: Here’s how you know that you’re in a bad relationship: You find yourself having to make excuses for your partner. It doesn’t matter if the excuses are good or logical. The problem is that you’re having to make those excuses in the first place.
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