The usual trend is that before being a wife, you care about how you
look around your boyfriend, what he says he likes and what he doesn't,
how he likes to see you without makeup and all but after he put a ring
on it, most women just tend to let everything go
It is one thing to be a
girlfriend and another to be a wife. Being a wife is a lifetime
commitment to be everything to that significant other.
The
usual trend is that before being a wife, you care about how you look
around your boyfriend, what he says he likes and what he doesn't, how he
likes to see you without makeup and all but after he put a ring on it,
most women just tend to let everything go.
They become unconscious of the "till death do you part", and are overwhelmed with the union called marriage.
Sustaining
a marriage is a no-retirement job and requires a lot of learning,
sacrifices and compromises. So how do you keep it working?
Michelle Horton of YourTango gives women 15 tips on how to be a better wife to sustain your marriage
- I freshen up my makeup before he comes home.
- I’m very conscious not to say harsh, mean comments to him. Even in the heat of the moment. Damaging his self-esteem has no place in our marriage and I expect the same in return.
- I’m also conscious not to say mean things about him to other people. Especially friends. Girlfriends have a tendency to vent about their boyfriends, and then feel conflicted when their friends then hate their boyfriends. More than that, it's a matter of respect.
- Justin and I are very clear on putting on a united front when it comes to our son, Noah. No undermining, no badmouthing each other, no questioning the other’s authority, etc. I took this example from the Huxtables. I’m not even kidding.
- I’m starting to accept his faults rather than dwell on them. There’s an interesting shift that happens when you realize that a situation isn’t going to change: you change the way you deal with the situation — proactively and logically. For me, that’s marriage. Quickly finding a solution instead of bitching and nagging. Or maybe that’s just growing up. Regardless, this has been a game changer for me.
- I save my pretty dresses for when he’s home on the weekends. Not to impress him, but because I want to feel pretty around him. Looking good makes me feel good, which makes me a happier person to be with.
- I make sure he’s heard. For a while Justin felt like his voice didn’t matter, especially when raising our son. Maybe it’s because we’re young, or maybe it’s just the personalities in my family, or maybe it’s just the realities of being a parent, but people haven’t been shy about voicing their opinions — whether it’s what kind of diapers we use or where we spend holidays. But it’s important that my loyalty is to my husband over my other family members and to remember that we’re a partnership inside of the village-like team that’s taken to help us out. His voice needs to have just as much weight as my own. Period.
- We have separate identities, separate interests, and separate opinions. I never want either of us to lose ourselves in the other, or to invest all of our happiness in each other. My happiness is entirely up to me.
- I stopped expecting things from him. I stopped expecting him to pick up his godforsaken clothes off the floor when the hamper is four steps to the left. I stopped expecting him to compliment me on my housework efforts. I stopped expecting him to split all of the chores and parenting responsibilities 50-50 down the middle. I do things for myself.
- I finally accepted that just because he doesn’t do things the way I want them done, or at the exact moment I want them done, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t do them well. This has been a huge thing for me to learn and accept, and it’s still an ongoing effort on my part.
- I buy prettier things to wear to bed.
- He has strengths and I have strengths — in parenting as well as marriage — and just because they’re not the same doesn’t make them any less valid.
- I’ve been recognizing my faults and working hard to be a better person — not just as a wife, or as a mother, but as a person. They mostly center on my control and stress issues, so I’m making a genuine effort — and that’s the best I can do.
- I don’t care how much work I have to do, I can always spare time for some trashy Bravo with him. Always and forever. (Alone time in general is a top priority.)
- Be kind: Of course I'm not a perfect wife or a perfect person. Some of these are works in progress, goals that I strive toward. But I'm trying. And even though marriage requires more of a conscious effort than I ever imagined, I think it ultimately can result in a healthier relationship and a healthier self. At least I'm hoping.
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